Tuesday, 2 August 2011

Maybe it's Time to Change and Leave it All Behind

"Maybe I'm a dreamer; Maybe I'm misunderstood; Maybe you're not seeing the side of me you should". (Amanda, 2011)

Give change a chance.
I might be different from the first impression people knew me
I socialize only with people I comfortable with
I might be harsh sometimes, i speak myself, but it's the way that  i express my painfulness 
I've Never Been One to Walk Alone. I've Always Been Scared to Try
Maybe I'm weak enough to let go of everything I believed in.
Maybe, I prefer to stray towards the mundane life of me.
Maybe all I need is a little change to make me feel better.
Change scares me. It takes away the constants in my life. It makes me feel like I have nothing and nobody to rely on anymore, like everyone is slowly taking footsteps out of my life with silent precision. 
Experiencing nightmares, where I'm an invisible bystander who unable to do anything to halt myself. 
And what i expect things to revolve around me while helplessly watching as everyone fades away, advancing, without glancing once in my direction.
But I've never thought about needing change. I am actually dragging myself further into the darkness.
All I've ever thought about, changes intimidating me. Skirting around the edges of something familiar becoming strange; struggling to accept people going out, and coming in my life; with faint reluctance. 
I used to hide the fact that I hated being alone, because I knew it would mean a common words of  'loser', 'dependent' etc. 
I let people manipulating me. Holding onto the comfort zone without the urge to stand on my own.  
I used to be passive and stand on the bylines, letting my conscience sink down to the deepest depths. To be unaware of the great future awaits.  
Looking back on that, I feel like I owe myself an apology.

I wasted much time, much courage, much effort for useless something.
 For the facades, for the pretenses, for being a conformist

Bak kata orang, "ikutkan hati mati, ikutkan rasa binasa"
Yet now I realize that I've to change all of that. 
Normal doesn't mean good. doesn't mean right. Things revolutionized.

But Islam doesn't. Quran is fixed.

Ya Allah. Please guide Nurul Atiqah Burhanuddin perpetually. Amin.

I do need change. For permanent. We all do. 

3 comments:

  1. May Allah bless you atiqah

    Tsabbit qulubana 'ala deenik
    'Tetapkanlanlah hati kami diatas jalan agamamu"

    kata Nabi:
    Sesiapa yang Allah mahu berikan kebaikan padanya Allah kan berikan pemahaman dalam agama"

    hupefully.. we are in that group. Group yang allah nak bagi KEBAIKAN dalam dirinya.

    "Normal doesn't mean good. doesn't mean right. Things revolutionized.

    But Islam doesn't. Quran is fixed."---->nice!

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  2. Amin =) Thanks Anis. ingatkan lah aku sentiasa =D

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  3. give change a chance; ada kat sticker INTEC bus. english ko power gile weh. vocab kau tinggi sgt. googletranslate plus read and read over again lah aku nampaknya :P.
    p/s: nice! gmb cool. aku ingat ko nak cter psl hantu td haha XD

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